I was walking up the street the other day, I happened to glance up and see a sign in a window that said “Blowjobs $3″ I’m like holy fuck, that can’t be right. Way too cheap. I mean, granted, in times of economic slump the price of pussy will plummet, especially if conditions are ripe for a flooding of the market…but even in such conditions the price of blow jobs remain relatively stable, and even achieve substantial gains.
That’s how I knew it had to be a drink special.
Cubs all-star catcher, and 2008 NL Rookie of the Year, Geovany Soto tested positive for smoking weed during the 2009 Fall Classic.
One day after the news broke he lifted the Cubs over the Sox with a three run homer late.
That Canadian gold medalist snowboarder…Michael Phelps….the National Basketball Association…need I say more?
Take a minute, clear your head. Imagine, specifically, the worst possible thing you could ever do in a world without consequence. Step by step, think about what you would do if there was absolutely nothing to stop you and you gained points by committing absolute atrocities. Write it down, in great detail, […]
Take a bus somewhere you haven’t been and try to walk home. I wouldn’t recommend going without a net the first time out, may want to carry some cash just in case, and arm yourself if you have to go through rough neighborhoods. If you walk a lot throughout the day already, you […]
Tag something. Make a change to your environment. The more public, the better. Send a message, write your name, just let the world know you exist. Extra points for corporate property, and defacing propaganda. Leave original art alone. Oh yeah, don’t get caught, and this post was for my […]
This story was written for UWeekly, after telling me it was in consideration for the cover, they pulled it entirely. Meh, I expected that from the beginning, until it was in consideration for the cover.
The woman downtown with that unmistakable look of desperation in her eye, she delivers the circumstances first. She’s from […]
Wandering through the trees, doing what I please, smoke in the breeze, fine ass bitches getting on their knees, skinning mad sheep, no use for fleece, wool itches like fleas, so get outta the car, gimme them keys, Don’t get lippy bitch I’m only borrowing your Humvee.
Yeah, I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo, without fear […]
Have you heard of Twitter? Fuck, I never had a MySpace profile, I deleted Facebook, just when I think I’m out, Twitter comes along and delivers everything I’ve ever wanted: the “status” feature of Facebook and next to nothing else. Sounds fucking stupid, and I can’t disagree.
It’s one or two sentence blogging […]
Welcome to Columbus Ohio, population just over a million. Full of college students wearing red, all the time, to celebrate a team the rest of the Midwest fucking hates. This is Buckeye country. I’m just happy it’s not football season yet.
I’ve spent the day applying for jobs online, I expect a few […]
On New Year’s Day Oscar Grant was shot in the back and killed while lying face down in an Oakland subway. He was being restrained by two police officers when a third stood, pulled out his sidearm and fired a single shot. It was all captured on a cell phone video that has […]
When I came back to Peoria I got pretty bored. There is not much to do here except work, smoke weed and watch movies. So when that got old I tried fucking a bulimic teenager. It was fun once or twice, nothing I would have repeated indefinitely, except she started following me around and […]